School was weird for me up to 3rd or 4th
grade. I would finish my work super
fast, before anyone else. I was
convinced it was because I was doing something wrong. So then I would double check my work and
triple check my work. But I still would
be done before other kids, and some kids didn’t finish at all. This was very confusing to me. And when I would get the work back, and the
answers were actually correct (!), I was surprised. I felt that my answers were “guesses” and by
guessing right, I was fooling my teachers into giving me good grades. I did not, in any way, think it was because I
was smart.
(Sometimes, if I asked questions at home, I would be told, “Don’t
be stupid, you know the answer.” Even if
I didn’t. This was traumatizing to me
for the rest of my life. For the longest
time, I could put up with any insult you threw at me, except being called “stupid”. And still to this day, I will use the phrase,
“If I knew the answer I would not be asking the question.” in my defense if
people say that I know the answer when I ask things. I wish I used that phrase when I was a child.
)
In 4th grade, I was helping out a teacher after
class. (Yes, I was that kid. Teacher’s Pet, and all that). Miss Walker the teacher. She was my 3rd grade teacher. I loved her.
She was awesome. Still to this
day one of my favorite teachers. She had
a big head full of curly brown hair (probably a 80s perm), and she was fairly
youngish. She loved Miss Piggy – who as
we all know speaks French – so Miss Walker arranged for some of the kids to
have a tutor come in and teach us French.
When I moved on to 4th grade, Miss Walker was moved to be a 1st
grade teacher. I volunteered to stop by
her room after school, clean her chalkboards, help change her bulletin boards,
prepare things for the next day, etc.
Other kids didn’t really know I was doing it, so I was never teased
about being a teachers pet.
One day when I was washing her boards, a “special” teacher
came in the room to talk to me. I
thought, “Oh here it is, they’ve figured it out.” The teacher went on
explaining about how I would be taken out of my normal class once a week, and
would be working with a “special” teacher, and would be with other children
with the same abilities as myself. I was
embarrassed, and ashamed, and a little confused. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just go home and cry. I remember also nodding my head as if I was
accepting my fate. But something they
said caused me to pause and literally cock my head to look at them like a
confused puppy. “Are you saying this is
a good thing?” I asked. I remember the special teacher looking at me,
taken aback and puzzled, “Yes. A very
good thing.” At this point, she asked, “Didn’t
you ever notice that you finish your work before everyone else? That you have an easier time with things?” Yes.
That’s because you are smart. (Not
her exact words, but you get the idea) They had already called and spoke to my
mother, and she would explain it to me more when I got home.
As it turns out – it was a special program for children with
similar abilities as myself. Advanced
abilities. It was a group of kids from
my grade - and most of who I recognized as the ‘smart ones’ in class. And I was with them. I was one of the smart kids. We went to “Gifted” once a week; got out of
regular class, took a bus to a different school, and did fun stuff. Looking back on it, it was more work. They were giving us more work to do. But back then, school was still fun, and
learning was fun. We learned about fun
things like Egyptian hieroglyphics, and mythology, and art, and styles of art,
and computers! (Back then no classroom
had computers! Only the “gifted” class!) We worked on “Apple” computers. We played first person adventure games where
you had to type in what you wanted to do (walk forward. Pick up book, etc). We didn’t realize that they were giving us
more work to do. It was fun and we liked
the other kids we were grouped with.
They were like us. They finished
work first too. Other kids tried to copy
off of their work, too. I still am in contact with quite a number of the kids I
met through Gifted. It was a very big
part of my school life, and my social education because it helped to group me
with my true peers; and not feel singled out and odd compared to the rest of my
classmates.
When I got to “middle school” – the Gifted Program
changed. As did the curriculum for the “smart
kids”. Middle School curriculum (and
from that point forward into High School) was adjusted by your abilities. By comparison, in Elementary school all of
the students were taught the exact same thing at the exact same pacing. This was why it was necessary to take the
smarter kids out, or else they would be bored and unchallenged. Similarly, I assume with the special
education/special needs students. In
Middle School, however, the classes were grouped and suited by abilities. The students were grouped with fellow
students of similar learning level, and the core curriculum was geared to meet
their needs. Regular classes (English,
Math, Science, Social Studies) in Middle School were more designed to be more advanced
and challenging for us. I can only
assume, therefore, the rest of the population, the curriculum was more
mainstream – but still challenging for their level. There was a “gifted program” in Middle School
also. And we were all invited to
join. However, at this point, we had
figured out that the program was actually just giving us more work to do with no
real benefit to us (not that we could identify anyway); so most of us “quit”. The program’s underlying principle of
challenging the higher functioning students, preventing them from becoming
bored, was futile.
And once in high school, I was very much a “normal” type
student. Some of my classes were
advanced (English, biology, art); but subjects like math and chemistry I
struggled extensively with. I was high
average in Social Studies (History, Contemporary Affairs, Sociology),
Psychology, low average in business skills & gym. I was in the National Honor Society. My fellow ‘gifted’ kids were similar,
although some were above and beyond advanced.
They were the truly special spectacular kids – the top ten in our class,
president and other student government seats.
Students who went on to be nurses, lawyers,
teachers, university professors, therapists.
I still sometimes have to remind myself that I am smart. I made some poor choices in my life that took
me away from the scholastic endeavors.
And some say motherhood turns your brain to mush, because your thoughts
are consistently and constantly surrounding the child, the child’s world and
the household. But I have a brain. And it works pretty well. At least it used to.
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