Does it make you sad?

“Does talking about your dead loved ones make you sad?” 

“No.”  said her father, “Sad isn’t the right word for it anymore.”  He explained, “there are many stages of grief.  Many emotions you go through.  You feel different things at different times.  But right now, it doesn’t make me sad.  I like talking about them because we are talking about happy times.  We are remembering happy fun times with them, and it makes my heart feel good.” 

“Do you miss them?”

“Yes I miss them.  I miss talking to them, and having them part of my life.  But its not so sad anymore.” 

I wanted to disagree.  It is sad.  Its sad that they didn’t stick around to see what an awesome mom I am, dad he is or what an awesome daughter we have.  (Don’t feed me the line, that they “know”.  Knowing is different than seeing, and experiencing.  I KNOW I like Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, that’s entirely different than EATING Ben & Jerry’s ice cream!) .  They didn’t get to read my blog or books, or even know that I started writing again.   They didn’t meet me – or Ed.  Or attend our wedding. (referring to grandparents here).   They didn’t get to nod in approval or gush about how perfect we are together.  They didn’t get to see us make the good decisions or even the bad decisions.  They didn’t get to enjoy the fact that we finally figured out who are true friends are, and are still making them!  And that is sad.  Selfish.  And sad.

Some of the people we’ve lost have been gone a long time, and some just a little time.  Her Dad made it sound like its all the same in the end.  That eventually you move on, and everything becomes a happy memory.  That’s not always true.  But that is ok.  You will learn from it.  You will grow from it.  And it will be ok.   

(I agree whole-heartedly that talking about them was not the part that made you sad.  Just the reality of it)